Member-only story
I’m not sure this qualifies as seasonal depression because I’m not necessarily sad… I have just lost all motivation and every passing week becomes harder than the previous. I’ve had an interesting month and a half — to say the least. My schedule has consisted of work, sleep, sulk & eat. I’m not even sure what I’ve been sulking about until life gave me a reason to.
Most recently, I lost a very dear friend. It was a sudden, random passing. She didn’t tell many people of her cancer diagnosis and seems as though it was late in the stages. Even though I work on a cancer unit — it’s hitting me harder than I thought it would. I’m angry/frustrated she did not tell a lot of people (including me) but also can understand why she kept it to herself… It’s been almost two weeks since her passing and I still can’t wrap my mind around it… like at all. Her family chose to have private funeral services so I feel as though I didn’t truly get to say goodbye. My friend was loving, spunky, energetic, vibrant — the list goes on. I cannot fathom this as my reality because she was not a bad person. What comes to mind is the corny saying of why bad things happen to good people. I wish I had one more conversation with her before her passing to reiterate how much she meant to me and how big of an impact she had in any and every space she entered. She was a ball of joy. I know it’s selfish of me to still want her here when she was in so much pain… I…
